Let me tell you something.

Let me be completely serious for once, and say there is only so much a person can take until they snap.

Let me tell you that I, Courtney Gaylord, have a bad reputation, and I know. I hear on a daily basis about what people have heard about me, and I usually brush it off, but believe me, it fucking sucks. So I guess I have some explaining to do. I don't intend on making anyone feel bad for me, I just want my side out there.

Here it goes.

ALC is the 6th high school I have attended, and I'm beyond excited to graduate. People always ask me why I've gone to so many high schools, and they usually assume it's because I'm running away from everyone who hates me. No. If I were trying to leave people who hate me, I would probably have to move out of state. In all honesty, I have an anxiety disorder that makes it hard for me to talk to anyone. I just assume that people don't like me, because that's what I've been told my entire life. The ways I've dealt with my anxiety has differed throughout my life. First it started with pulling my eye lashes out, then my hair, and then when I developed a pretty little bald spot, I started isolating myself. So, my freshman year of high school, while attending Rosemount, I missed a lot of school because I no longer knew how to be around people without freaking out. The next year, I up and left to go to Kennedy, in hopes of being able to fit in. Wrong. Still weird old Courtney who doesn't know how to talk to anyone, and I definitely ended up eating lunch in the bathroom the entire time I went there. It's kind of funny, though, because before that, I thought that only happened in the movies. So I came back to Rosemount, because at least I knew people there. Long story short, my mom couldn't afford to live in our old house after my parents got divorced, so we moved to Eagan. That was a fucking fairy tale. Not. Still anxious, still couldn't talk to anyone, still ate lunch in a class room with my history teacher. Oh haha, and of course everyone knows the story of me getting jumped in my own neighborhood by some Somalian girls. That one's a real knee slapper, and oh I'm sure you can't imagine how fun it was to go to school the next day and have everyone tell me I deserved it. So my mom said fuck Eagan, and bought our current house in Apple Valley, and that's when I started Eastview. I loved Eastview so much, and I know people always say they hated it, but it was truly the happiest place I'd ever been. I had  so many close friends, so I do kind of miss it, but since my depression got the best of me throughout the first two quarters of my senior year, I failed almost every class I was in, because I could no longer pay attention at school, and my teachers took that as me not trying, which sucked, but whatever. At least I knew I was doing my best, but then I went to treatment, and when I got out, I thought the best thing for me to do was try out online school. Yeah, couldn't commit to that and just slept all day. Hah, life. So now I go to good old ALC, but I'm still going to Eastview's prom, and walking at Eastview's graduation, and I'm nervous, but so excited. So now you know why I've been to 6 high schools, but if you still want to think it's because everyone hates me, I understand. I hate me too.

"Everyone says you're a slut." Yeah, there's something I hear every day. Have I been a promiscuous, conniving, little whore before? Probably. I really have no way to justify it, but I have figured something out about girls who are a little.. on the wild side, and it's a common thing I've noticed about girls like me. They don't feel pretty, and when a guy tells them they're pretty, they'll do anything for them. Throughout middle school, I was told how fat and ugly I was on a daily basis. Looking back, I never should have let it get to me, but I did, and that stuff still haunts me to this day, because back then, I never had a problem with girls. It was always guys telling me that. So, freshman/sophomore year, when guys started to notice me, and tell me things I wanted to hear, and the rest is history. My junior year, I fell so in love with someone, and since then, I haven't really  been back to my immoral, gross, ways, but that doesn't change anyone's mind. It doesn't help that this year, I've had a few guys lie about getting with me, and of course, everyone believed them. May I just say that Zeadd lied about what happened that night..? Like go and tell everyone I gave you head, but that doesn't make it. true. Disgusting.


So there's a little explanation. Yeah, you may hate me, everyone may hate me, but I can assure you, you will never hate Courtney-Nicole Gaylord as much as I do.